I can see the future coalescing; can you see it? Can you see your future coalescing? If you can what do you see? Do you see more of the same pain, more of the same struggle, more of the same monotony, more of the same hamster wheel?
I see it. I feel it. I am it. But that wasn’t always the case – just a year ago I was ashamed, I was fearful, I was broken. I had finally reached a major milestone of my path but I was tired. I had worked so hard to get that point, I had worked so hard to make it that far, and had focused so long on getting to that point that I had started to hope and to believe that everything was going to be smooth sailing from that point on. But when that didn’t happen I started to feel worthless.
I started to breathe easy and expected everything to just fall into place… and when it didn’t I crumbled and became angry. Angry at everyone that had worked against me, everyone that had stood in my way, I was even angry at myself and that is what saved me. The Anger. At. Myself.
Being angry at myself was the only thing that made sense because I owed myself something and I wasn’t delivering. Being angry at myself made sense because I could actually do something about it. And I started to do something about it. I started to get back to the basics, back to the point in my life when I was stronger than I ever knew I could be. I didn’t get there in one step and I’m not even all the way there as I write this, but in writing this I am getting even closer to the apex of my past. And as I get closer I realize that my goal is not to be as strong as I ever was, but to be stronger than I ever was.
And I know I can do it. I see it. I feel it. I am it. The future is coming… and so am I.